1 · Traveler's · thoughts

I want my body to be cremated, and the ashes baked into a AWESOME batch of Mac & Cheese or a nummy Cheesecake that'll be served at the Memorial service.  Then everyone there gets a card that tells them the 'secret ingredient' of the dishes :)  And maybe some ashes in the keg of beer that'll be served too :)

SIGH SIGH SIGH! :(

Seems Death showed it's face again in my little life. 2 weeks ago my friend Carmen's ex-boyfriend (who's she's been friends with for 20yrs) committed suicide. 44yrs old;married;no children. He had been having $$$ troubles & his dr.had found a brain tumor in it's early stages in his head. I had met him & his wife at Carmen's wedding on 03/15/08. He took their wedding photos that day. He looked a bit tired, but that was understandable since he was scurrying around taking pics from all angles. Whenever I talked to my friend Sandy & she told me had died I was in shock. When Carmen told me he shot himself in the head I almost vomitted. WWWWTTTTTFFFF UNIVERSE! Now I've had 3 people I know commit suicide - Scott, T.J. & now Pete. I know Life is like that, and strangely enough I don't blame ANYONE for wanting to commit suicide. All we have is our Life & WE have to inhabit our bodies every day and WE have to live our life. No one else can really know what you go through & feel minute to minute. Yeah, I know that's weird to say, but it's true. I know what Suicide does to those left behind. I feel so badly for his wife :( I'm sending her a card & have asked my friend Carmen to let her know I've been through this too & she's not alone. I can't even begin to imagine what she must have thought when she found him at home.

So now for the year 2008 I've known of 15 people who have died. HELL!!! I saw George Carlin a month 1/2 ago & even HE'S dead now! WTF?!?!?!?! :( I even joked with my friends saying "I better go see him before he's dead" and look what happened :O ACK!

Death sucks for the Living. We have to live every day for a looooong time why someone would choose to kill themselves or hope that whomever died by illness or accident died peacefully or painless. Seems the Dead get off easy,huh?

Heya what's up fellow LJ dwellers?

Yep, it's been a looooooooooong time since I've posted on here. Guess today was THE DAY to get stuff out of me.

First of all I've made it to my 1 YEAR wedding anniversary! WOOOO HOOO!!! I can't believe it's been 1 YEAR already? As Steve & I joke "It seems longer!" LOL! :D Altogether we've been together 5yrs now, and it STILL seems incredible we've been together that long. Yes, sometimes he drives me MORE INSANE than I already am (and I'm sure he can say the same thing about me!) but what ya gonna do? Love's like that. One minute I'm about to bust my head open cuz he makes me sooooooo mad - then the next minutes I'll get all weepy because he hasn't hugged me yet when I've gotten home. Sometimes I'll look at him & think "WHERE the HELL is his head at?", and other times I'll think "DAMN! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!" :) Some days I worry about our future (i.e. will we have enough $$$ to live on). Other days I imagine what we'll be doing & looking like 10yrs down the road. As I've said in the past I sure don't know where my Beloved came from, but I'm soooooooo thankful that he found me & loves me.

Ok, enough of that :)

As for Work? ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!! The workload keeps piling up & getting more & more complicated every week it seems. The insurance companies just won't pay our claims & they'll reject a claim for just about every reason under the sun. It makes for job security - BUT - when Management says 'work a little faster" my blood begins to boil. SCREW YOU!!!! You sit here & deal with this!! :( At least I've got a good group of coworkers with me. All I can say is this - SOCIALIZED MEDICINE NOW!!!


Lemme see, what else? Oh yeah, my year started off on a REALLY bad note. From December 2007 to middle of February 2008 12 people that I either knew personally - or someone I know had someone they know personally - DIED. Even 2 cats & 1 dog I knew died :( Usually Death comes in 3's, but for that date span Deaths were everywhere in my life. Steve's friend TJ; Heather's Father; my friend Patty's father, and the list goes on. This has been the first time (and hopefully the last time) in my life Death came into my life so much. It did make me think quite deeply about it all, and how every day we really DO need to appreciate, and well celebrate those that are in our lives.

On the Artistic side, I've dipped into Scrapbooking a bit. Friend of mine & I go to a local craftstore once a month to do the scrapbooking, and it's pretty fun. Usually go for about 6hrs & it's fun. SOMETIMES the other crafters there - either Soccer moms, "Super Moms" or "Career Moms"- that are they can annoy me at times. I'll never forget one of them said to me "Are you going to use that busy paper as a background for that picture?" HELLO!!!! I'M AN ARTIST!!! Artists just follow what the Muse tells us to do!!! Yeah, I'm sounding a bit Artistically Snobbish, but what the hell? You should have seen me my first time there - I didn't have many of the tools & supplies at first, but had borrowed some from my friend. There I sat - staring at a blank page & feeling like a 1st grader during her first day of school. I'm working on doing a Wedding picture scrapbook, and UGH!!! It's slooooooow work :( I've come to the realization that I like Detail work. Taking a page of patterned paper & cutting out the pattern to then make a new pattern on another page (aka Mosaic work). WOW!! Talk about INTENSE!!! I've been thinking about getting a Flicker page to show off my artwork, but that nagging little voice inside me says "Who's gonna give a fuck about that?" That's what I've been fighting internally about for several years now - just WHO is gonna care about my artwork? WHY should I care about who's going to care about my artwork? Isn't the joy of Creating what it's all about? I've been itching to paint again (for some reason flowers on very small canvas' actually). Some of my friends have these great calendars of close-up photos of flowers that are breath-taking. Guess I shouldn't think about the $$$$ let alone if anyone else will see (let alone like) them. Just gotta do what Muse tells me :)

On a future note I'll be going to see Pearl Jam at Great Woods 06/28/08 with a bunch of my friends. WOO HOO!!:D I can't wait to go! :) We had a bit of trouble getting the tix in the first place (trying to order them online during the Morning Break at work while Supervisors patrol the office isn' ideal) - BUT - my friend Jenna saved the day (she was home & ordered them for us). Thankfully it's on a Saturday night so we'll have plenty of time beforehand to hang out;have dinner & basically act like we are all 16yrs old again HEEHEHHEEH!! Also going to see NIN in the city on 08/08/08. First time for me seeing them, and I'm already planning my Gothic Hippie gear. Trust me - the look works :) We'll have the same group of concert-goers & thankfully it's on a Friday night.

Now - what else? This may sound a bit weirder than usual, but this past Easter was wonderful. I don't mean for this to sound a bit coarse, but it was the first holiday I've had with Steve's family that I finally FELT like they were my Family. Don't get me wrong - all the holidays I"ve shared with them have been wonderful & fun, but for some reason this Easter really 'hit home' to me. It was just so wonderful to see my nieces open up their Easter gifts - Easter Barbies of course :) - and just having fun fun FUN!! I've also been feeling more free to talk to my sister-in-laws. I know that may seem odd that since those that know me know I'm a pretty open person, but I always kinda felt I should stay in the background of sorts since I'm the 'newbie'. Still not too sure what they think of me - hopefully GOOD stuff. :)

Ok, I think I'm done now. Oh,btw - I want Costello & Memo to come visit!!!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!!! :( MISS YOU TOO HEATHER & STEVE!!! Saw them last Friday & DAMN!! It was sooooooo GOOD to see them :)

Ok, now I'm really done. Gotta go wait for the sushi to arrive & check out some news. Thanks for reading! PEACE! :)

This is BRILLIANT! :)

Hi :)

Nope, I haven't posted for awhile. Have kind of being "biting my tongue" AND going through some intense personal crap. I figured ah - no need to unload on here. I have done so in the past, but eh - just haven't felt like it. I have nooooooooo doubt I will though :)

Well looks like this past Wednesday I had a night out for myself. Graham Nash & David Crosby had a concert over at Mechanics Hall in the city. It was a fund-raiser for 1 of the 2 public radio stations in the city. I was EXTREMELY lucky to get 12th row Center!! YAAY!! Talk about loving it! Had a great view & some pretty cool people sitting around me. Only saw 1 person I knew (a FedEx guy I see downtown alot in the area of my office building) and I think he had his son along with him. Figures I couldn't locate my glasses nor earplugs (UGH! I sound like I'm elderly, huh? HEHEHEH!), but I survived. They were loud, but not stadium concert loud.

Throughout the entire concert (aside from people watching) I kept thinking "These 2 men are icons. They were there at the start of modern Rock music, and are STILL creating music now!" Both of their voices were still strong & beautiful & haven't really 'aged'. Both were cute as ever too! :) David looked good & seemed in good health. Another funny thought I had that night was "Hey man! Take off that old man rubber mask you have on!".
He sounded like he always has, but the body didn't quite fit the voice. I dunno if that makes sense or not. At one point in the show David said a few political comments "You would think that the person that's in charge of Nuclear weapons would know HOW to pronounce nuclear!"; "Push the red one. I like the color red!" and "Good job Brownie!". The crowd was loving it & after every song they gave the guys a standing ovation.

It was interesting to watch the crowd too. Fathers with sons; couples; and I think 1 man had his children & grandkids with him. The FedEx guy I knew was cute. He was clapping & rocking out to the songs. His son looked like a skateboard guy, but he was jamming too. I was missing Steven of course, but did call him. Also called my friend Sandy during intermission. I have seen many people at Mechanics Hall (most lovely was Yo-Yo Ma & the Chinese state orchestra I believe back in 1999). Have been to a few weddings there as well. Sure hope they'll be another great concert there soon.

Went with Steve yesterday & visited with my Mother for about 3hrs -

Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
Don’t you know I tried so hard
To love you in my way
It’s easy let it go..
Adia I’m empty since you left me
Trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
To see where we went wrong
’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain’t no one to buy our innocence
’cause we are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter
Does it matter?
Adia I thought that we could make it
But I know I can’t change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
A friend who won’t betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
And show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe that
We are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter, does it matter?
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
’cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?